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Ok, so before I get started I just want to warn you that this is a wordy and lengthy post looking into my recent weight loss, eating habits and issues with weight maintenance. I do touch on some topics that those who have, or are recovering from an eating disorder may find distressing, so please don’t read if you feel these topics may affect you negatively. Sorry for being so dramatic but I just wanted to be clear!

Anyway, some of you can probably recall my recent post: My month as a vegan without coffee, which summed up my January ‘detox’ plan. I also mentioned that I had lost weight and talked about some of my favourite eats from the last month – smoothies, salads and juices. That post has sparked several comments from readers which I would like to respond to now.

I’d like to start by giving a bit of background on this. Two years ago I was 14st 10lbs (206lbs). I lost the weight myself following no set plan, not calorie or fat counting, but just winging it. I did follow a low carb, high protein diet for a while (which was really quite daft!) My weight loss seemed to naturally plateaux around the 10 stone (140lbs) mark for a few months and I was really happy at that weight. I looked great, was a size 10-12 and had no desire to lose anymore weight. At that point I was weighing myself every week. I decided to ditch the scales and just start weighing myself once a month to keep track, I was at what I felt then was my ‘happy’ weight and I wanted to shift the focus from being skinny to being healthy. This happened at the same time as I completed the Great North Run. The months following the Great North Run I was weighing myself once a month and dropping 4 – 5 lbs a time. I just assumed that eventually I things would balance out as I wasn’t starving myself and rarely felt hungry, my ‘binging’ (I use that term loosely)had also stopped. At this time I had also transitioned to a vegetarian diet. This weight loss has continued and since September last year I have lost 1st 5lbs (19lbs), I’m now 8st 11lbs (123lbs) and a UK size 10.

There was a few comments to my post that I found hurtful, however I know that by blogging about my life I open myself up to such comments and if I’m not prepared to be accountable in that way I should not be blogging. I would like to set the record straight on a couple of specific comments that were made before I actually get into my thoughts and feelings on why I’ve been losing more weight.

A couple of comments said that my blog makes them feel inadequate. I’m very sorry if that’s how my blog makes some people feel because that certainly isn’t my intention. The fact is I am passionate about healthy eating, exercise, cooking and unusual ingredients - something that I hope comes across when I blog! I eat and live the way I do because it makes me feel great. The weight loss issue aside, I feel amazing eating and exercising the way I do so why would I eat or do things that don’t make me feel good? I am a bit of an all or nothing person, when I do things I tend to do them 100% so I guess I can see why some people would view my diet as rigid. I think we need to accept that we are all different – this is what works for me and I can’t change who I am. I do recognise that the content of the blog has changed, particularly over the last month. I don’t want to lose readers but obviously I don’t expect that the blog will remain relevant to everyone reading as I develop and grow and the blog changes to reflect this.

Also, I do eat bread and wheat although I don’t tend to eat white potatoes as for me, they tend to play havoc with my blood sugar so when I fancy a potato I go for a sweet potato (far yummier in my opinion anyway!) I also don’t do hours and hours of cardio, I have a life and a full time job for a start! I tend to workout 6 days a week for between 30 minutes – 1hr 30 mins a day (depending upon the activity and intensity). One of those days is just a  low intensity yoga and core workout and I always have one day of complete rest. I do not over exercise and despite what some of you may think based on my eating I never feel like I’m too tired or not well fueled enough to workout, I don’t finish my workouts a gibbering exhausted wreck either! Saying that I’m now intrigued as to how my workouts will improve even more if I’m eating better!

Someone commented that it was not clear why I have gone vegetarian / vegan and implied that it was just an excuse to restrict my diet. Please see this post for when I first started considering vegetarianism and my initial reasons why, I certainly didn’t make the decision overnight. Its not something I go on about all the time as I don’t want to become preachy, I truly believe that all diet choices should be respected. I have chosen to be a vegetarian that eats vegan most of the time, in a nut shell, because I feel at my absolute best when eating a plant based diet alongside the ethical and environmental reasons.

I hope that clears up a couple of things. I also just wanted to make a couple of quick points to put things into perspective: I am not currently under weight (although I realise I am close). The issue here is the pattern of weight loss that if continues could lead to a more serious problem and some of my thought processes that need to be changed.

The problem I seem to have is that every time I think I’ve reached my happy weight, then lose more, that then becomes my new happy weight. I’m content as I am now, although I do feel that I’m going into ‘scrawny’ territory, and if I don’t address these issues then I think I’ll just continue to lose more and more weight, and well, then I could be in trouble. I feel that I can identify several issues that aren’t helping me at the moment:

• Unable to get out of the weight loss mind set
• A fear of gaining weight
• Difficulty in eating more when I’m not hungry
• Preferring to workout on an empty stomach or small snack

I know that some of you have commented about my ‘non existent lunch’ or days of ‘eating basically a smoothie, juice and a salad’ and I’m not saying that those comments are wrong, however I have been eating what has felt right for me and my body at the time, although I feel pretty stupid saying that now! I haven’t been restricting my intake on purpose, at least not on a conscious level. I think I always just assumed that things would eventually balance out. I think that because I don’t calorie count I have no idea what my diet should ‘look like’ in order to maintain a steady weight. I really don’t want to start calorie counting either as I think that's the kind of thing I could get obsessive with.

Thanks to some very helpful comments, particularly from Alison, I feel that I now have a plan as to how I can improve things in order to maintain a more steady weight. I’m not going to stop eating a mostly plant based diet full of smoothies, soups and salads because I love eating them and they make me feel the healthiest and happiest I have ever felt, what I will be doing is making sure I don’t overly restrict my portions, adding in more healthy fats such as nut butter and coconut oil (I have no problem with that!) and adding in more wholegrain carbs.

I know that I also have to change my mind set and get over this deep fear of gaining weight. I need to see a weight gain of a couple of pounds as a positive thing, and after years and years of losing pounds being the ultimate goal its such a massive thing to get my head around. I know a lot of you must be reading this and thinking for gods sake just eat more you stupid cow! But its so much more complicated than that, especially when most of the time I don’t feel hungry – although I realise the times I end up hitting the apple snacks usually indicates I haven’t ate enough! I think it is going to take some time and some trial and error before I get it right, so please bear with me!

I do hope that you have found this post interesting, I could have gone on a lot more but I’ve probably sent you all to sleep as it is ;-)

Can any of you relate to the issues and topics I’ve covered? If you have lost weight how did you manage to successfully maintain? How do you find a balance?

I have always tried to be as honest as possible on this blog and I have really laid it all out in this post. I’m not perfect, I’m on a journey like everyone else and I do the best I can and stay true to myself, as should everyone :-)

I’ll be back soon with another post – I had a great time in York! Hope your all having a great week! x